Funny Marriage Jokes

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.

A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!


Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.

If you do NOT have a wife - You are missing Some thing in your life.
If you have a wife - You are missing So Many things in your life.

Posted in Humour